Being in your early 40s isn’t so bad

I’ll tell you why it isn’t as horrible as I thought.  I mean YeS there are the noticeable grays on the crown of my head, the black circles, the stubborn fat that just won’t vanish and my vision is slowly going.  However, for me being in this new milestone has taught me many confident boosting lessons.  

Kinda sucks it took me this long but only now have I realized how NOT to be so self conscious. My actions and decisions should not be based on how others think I should be living my life.  It just occurred to me that all my life I’ve always looked at strangers or my friends or family for their looks of approval.  Depending on how their faces look I change my actions to appease people.  I’ve even written a poem about being a mood ring during my college years.  It’s really sad but at least I’ve learned to be myself and do what I want because damn it I’m a good decent person.  I don’t need to see who’s frowning at me for my actions.  I just simply give 0 f@&$s now and I continue to act the way I want without knowing how others view me.  I’m working hard to be more assertive and vocal and stick to my guns in heated discussions.   

I’ve also learned to own it.  I admit my weaknesses and have realized when I do then people can’t use those things against me.  The biggest revelation I’ve opened up about is my lifelong anxiety disorder.  Talking openly about my anxiety and how it affects my actions and fear has made others in my life more understanding.  Honestly it’s refreshing how my friends can’t put me down or argue with me when they know it’s anxiety related.   

Most important I’ve learned to find laughter each and everyday.  

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My Safe Haven

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This park is three homes down from our place.  It’s Fall, the air is cool but the sun is shining, the trees are colorful, the neighborhood is peaceful.  My safe haven which I never take for granted.

Chicken Soup

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Please come out really yummy!  I want to become a #soup master.  #crockpot #slowcooker There’s #chickentenders hiding in there.  My soup was hearty but the entire lemon made it sour.  I’d only use half the lemon next time.

Recipe by My Healthy Dish on you tube  & IG

Whole or 4 chicken breasts, 1/3 Onion, 3oz Sliced ginger, 2 Carrots, 2 Garlic cloves sliced, 1 lemon sliced, 1 cup Coconut water, 1/4 cup Apple cider vinegar, 3 cups water, 1tbsp sea salt, 1/2 cup parsley

Set crock pot on high and cook 4-5 hours.

Hungry Hippo Loves Eggs!

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Hungry hungry hippo!  After feeding the kids, getting them ready for school, and whisking them off to school this morning, I brewed some coffee and made this delicious #eggscramblewith #onions #spinach #tomatoes and#lowcarbtortilla.  Sat my ass and enjoyed my backyard view while pigging out on my breakfast and slowly sipping my coffee with whip!  Because I can fortunately enjoy two weekday mornings a week to myself, I do.

If you can’t beat ’em, laugh at them!

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Laughter is the#bestmedicine, says this Autism Mom.  A dose of Ellen D helps the anger and anxiety go away.  After a few days pissed, anxious & hopeless because of health insurance & school issues I just need a good #laugh!  Ellen Degeneres’ instagram photos & videos are so therapeutic.

I love you Ellen D!  You crack me up like no other and help me #escape my autism reality.  If you ever read this, just know I’m probably one of thousands maybe millions of moms (of special needs kids) out there in the universe who love you passionately!  Autism Mom’s stress may not be physically apparent but our lives are pretty much in need of ongoing escapes and help from positive sources.

Zen me some cactus will ya

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Cactus fever.  Finally re-potted and bringing some Zen out here.  Times of stress and chaos calls out for retreat, organization and decor.  It settles my soul.  Trying to regain control somewhere and somehow.  The ability to maintain control of anything during these difficult times keeps me together, even though most things are falling apart all around me.  Life of an autism mom.