My Sweet Heart

I love him more than words can ever describe. His smile and thick black hair frame his soft skin and single sweet dimple.  His angelic smiley eyes.  His thick soft lips.  His nose identical to mine.  “I’m trying my best,” he says as he plays his clarinet.  “Mommy was I good today?” as he wants to please me. “I love you so much Mommy. Hug and a kiss.”  His words to me every night before bed.  The happiness and gratitude that spills from big heart when he’s thankful for something he’s been asking for.  All 9 years old of him.  My tall muscle toned model of a boy.  He eats all day plays all day.  He laughs and scripts.  “Anthony, let’s play with the cats.”  Little boys at the park chase and follow him.  My adventurous no fear son who yearns for speed as he takes in the wind as he whooshes past everyone on his bike.  As he jumps with all his energy balled up and released into the water.  “Look how far I swim Mommy!”  “One more minute.  After this race!”  My xbox and you tube obsessed kiddo.  My love for this kiddo is never ending, just like his passion for his nascar and Kyle Busch.  I’m beyond lucky to be his mom.  He’s my sweetheart.  He stole my heart the minute he was born.

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Even if Today, I Know that Tomorrow…

Even if Today, I Know that Tomorrow…

Even if today, it seems everyone and everything has failed us

Turned their backs on us
My surroundings are grey and cold

Everything is heavy

My body is numb

From over drive mode

My Heart is gutted

After that heavenly break was taken from underneath me

Mind is stuck in that zone

After negativity robbed it

And filled it with dread

With fear of the future

Suspicion of everyone’s intentions

The block I built towards trust

Shattered to pieces that

Will take more work, more time

To reconcile

I know that tomorrow,

Maybe the day after tomorrow

I’ll regain that strength, that power

To look future in the eyes

With conviction that you’ll live independently

Look fear at its peak

And weaken it with my

Perseverance

My love for you my son

That one element in my bone

That even if,

After being broken down

Will replenish itself

To reunite me with my unbreakable passion

To pull my will power from the root

And trust both will lead me

To unbelievable heights

To provide you with promise, tangible possibilities

And a fulfilling future

Even if today it seems that autism beat us,

I know that tomorrow life will uplift us again

What are you thinking about?

Autism Avenue with Mama & Son

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Sometimes I stare into your beautiful almond shaped eyes
And wonder what you’re wondering about
Curious at what you see
And how you see it
Try to think the way you think
Feel what you must be feeling
Gather what your mind must be processing
No matter what it may be you’re pondering over
Or observing
I only wish it brings you happiness

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All For You my Son

Dear Son,

Your IEP meeting was 2 hrs long.  Blessed that the majority of the teachers and therapists have your best interest.  There was one and there always is, who battled with me for the last hour over whether to take away your therapy service.  Since you were 18 months, I’ve fought hard for you.  Today was no different.  I believe in you, see you mature and win over many challenges that comes with autism, you work hard.  I advocate for all the support necessary to foster your success, even when others don’t agree.  Mama advocated really hard the last hour.  It wasn’t easy but as always, I dug up that strength and courage I never knew I had till you were born.  She eventually agreed and I won.  All for you Andrew.

Love,
Mommy

‪#‎momsknowbest‬‪#‎nevergiveup‬ ‪#‎autismdoesnotdefineme‬

potato head

Dear IEP Team,

Dearest Teacher, Psychologist, ABA Supervisor, Regular Mainstream Teacher, Speech Therapist, Occupation Therapist, PE Teacher, Principal: Thank you for being here at my son’s annual IEP.  You have the right to state what you think.  But do not be fooled by my nice small appearance.  I will tell u what I know and feel are my son’s abilities are, what his goals will be, n which services he will maintain to get him there.  Please do not underestimate son.  Don’t give me the “oh but the school budgets.”  This mama knows the law so try it and I’ll simply remind you what our rights are.

I will not sign this legal document that lists the bare minimum of what you plan to provide.  I may eventually back down but I will call you & email you until I can convince you otherwise. You’ve seen, and you’ve heard me before, you would go the great distance if your or your child the tables were turned.  I won’t cry our scream at you during our intense meeting because this is a business transaction after all.  Your job is to save money, intimidate the parents and remind us how far my son has gone so that he no longer needs support.  I will keep at it even when I’ve given up.

Some of you, even your bosses at the district level know how extremely persistent this Lil mama can be.  I’ve learned who to call when to call and who to sic’ em  when you’re cleverly trying to sell me short of services.  Just don’t.  If you must, ask you’re higher ups what major differences I’ve made my son.  All without an attorney but instead with local heros who stick by my side.

BTW, if I haven’t yet mentioned I’m not signing the IEP today.  I never do, so you’ll be hearing from me.  I usually email, then call you, email again.  When we can’t negotiate, I usually will let the teacher know I’m calling another IEP meeting which I know most of you would dread another 2 or 3 hours going in circles with me.  I do bluff,  I mean I really do.  I’ll reschedule another one and then I’ll individually try one last pull.  If nothing, well it depends.  Like last year, this really difficult traditionally taught Occupation Therapist recommended to completely take away Andrew’s OT service.  My husband and I knew from his trustworthy private OT that this end was bound to happen soon.  However, we don’t go without a fight.  For 2 hours during the IEP meeting, we went back and forth with the OT arguing our stance.  At one point I said in rebuttal, ” That’s too bad you feel that way!”  She felt Andrew met all his goals in OT.  You know the traditional gross motor, fine motor, etc.  My argument is if OT can provide more sensory exercises, it’ll help him focus, regulate and learn better.  The OT responded that’s not an educational need.  I remained professional until the very end when I got tired kicked my husband under the table to take over.

I apologize in advance for my overbearing persistence and my Libra qualities. But you see, I’m a mom of a special kid I bore into this world and ummm well that should sum it up.