My Sweet Heart

I love him more than words can ever describe. His smile and thick black hair frame his soft skin and single sweet dimple.  His angelic smiley eyes.  His thick soft lips.  His nose identical to mine.  “I’m trying my best,” he says as he plays his clarinet.  “Mommy was I good today?” as he wants to please me. “I love you so much Mommy. Hug and a kiss.”  His words to me every night before bed.  The happiness and gratitude that spills from big heart when he’s thankful for something he’s been asking for.  All 9 years old of him.  My tall muscle toned model of a boy.  He eats all day plays all day.  He laughs and scripts.  “Anthony, let’s play with the cats.”  Little boys at the park chase and follow him.  My adventurous no fear son who yearns for speed as he takes in the wind as he whooshes past everyone on his bike.  As he jumps with all his energy balled up and released into the water.  “Look how far I swim Mommy!”  “One more minute.  After this race!”  My xbox and you tube obsessed kiddo.  My love for this kiddo is never ending, just like his passion for his nascar and Kyle Busch.  I’m beyond lucky to be his mom.  He’s my sweetheart.  He stole my heart the minute he was born.

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I’m an Autism Mom. Hear me ROAR!!

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February 10, 2015 Image
I’m an Autism Mom. Hear me ROAR!!

I’m gonna be down right honest. I am sad and my heart feels so heavy since last night after reading this article on autistic kids’ futures. What struck me most is reading other parents’ comments on how worried they are about their child’s future after they’re gone. This same exact worry along with fear of middle and high school days terrify me to no end! Today was my son’s last speech therapy with a wonderful therapist he’s had for 6 years. I’m feeling overwhelmed trying to find group social skills group and looking for another regulating activity for him as well. Plus I have work, party planning and ambitious valentine projects (which I enjoy because it’s a hobby) to complete in the next day or two. My husband lost his job and will work again in two weeks. My father in law’s cancer is slowly crawling back and fearful of the responsibility of aging sick parents. I’m on overload again after a long break and it sucks!!!!!!!!!

Some Art in Our Lives

With the last heavy posts, I decided to lighten things up a little.  I update this page (Some Art in Our Lives) under Menu.

One of my favorite hobbies is to semi-make artsy craftsy stuff for my boys’ parties.  Birthdays and school holidays are the only times I really make time to get into it.  Our tradition is I buy boys matching themed shirts and deco out depending on the boy’s choice of theme for the year.  I’ve been obsessed with fondant decorative cakes since the 1st Bday Party up to now.  Party planning, as you Mom’s know is stressful but I do really enjoy the making part.  Since I’m not one to make things from scratch, much credit to Pinterest and other sites for the ideas!  Comment below if you want specifics on how I made certain things.

Andrew’s 1st Bday Party: Jungle Forest Theme

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Anthony’s 2nd Bday Party: Froggie Theme

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Anthony’s 3rd Bday Party: Train Theme

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Andrew’s 4th Bday Party: Thomas The Train!

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Andrew’s 7th Bday Party: Minions!!

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Anthony’s 5th Bday Party: Disney’s Where’s My Water?

2014-03-29_183925 dtmw dtmw2 dtmw3  Anthony’s had his name on front and age 5 on the back.

Andrew’s 8th Bday Party: M&M’s Lunch &  Arcade

2014-10-25_123526      2014-10-25_123521        2014-10-25_123456   Bought brown banners and added round multi color stock paper and white letters.  

2015-02-14 2015 Valentines for Class

2015 WP22013 4th of July/Dad’s Bday.  Yes I screwed up on the USA flag colors.  Ooops.

2013 Valentines

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Mama Needs A Break Just for a While

Is it okay
If I choose to be lazy about autism related things for a while
Can I get a break from it all
And just not care
Not work so hard to be that advocate
Just for a while?
Is it okay that I let my strong
Willed fighter mama bear side
Go on vacation while I worry
About mindless things like
Which outfit i should buy
I’m usually “on” and I’d like to just be “off”
just for a while?
My mental & physical state is SO used to battle mode
That when things are actually quiet
I almost search for challenge
I feel odd like I don’t deserve this normal thing called peace
I ask for just a while
Because on this autism avenue
Good times are short lived
Before the bad piles on
Like there’s no seeing the light
No climbing out of the dark
So when there’s opportunity to break away
It’s unbelievably nice, foreign but simply breath taking
I promise after that break
I’ll return to that warrior mom
Everyone’s used to seeing

Generalizing his coping skills

Late post from 7/26/14

kayak

This looks like an ordinary pic of a 7 year old. In my eyes and to those who know Andrew well, seeing him sitting calmly and knowing this kayak ride was free of anxiety and high energy is huge!  This Lil guy had a rough week: a traumatizing hospital procedure and a dreadful 2 hour speech therapy eval.  Through them he utilized the skills he’s been equipped with, to the best of his ability.  Before the dental procedure held at a hospital, he didn’t need assistance walking from pre-op to the the surgery room.  He did freeze in the hall where way too many staff nurses were staring at him.  Andrew crouched while clutching on his blankie, started crying and said, “There’s too many people here!!”  That’s huge!  He was a big boy and finally walked into the OR.  When the RNs finally had to carry him on to the table, he cried and said “Mommy I don’t want to go to sleep!”  It was really hard and emotional for me to watch that followed by the doctor applying the mask to his face.  I could hear him struggle and try to talk but he passed out.

During an annual speech evaluation, Andrew was pretty tired.  I made the mistake of scheduling it the same week as his procedure.  He did well overall but made a few comments like this is too long or I’m done but he kept going answering questions and working.

As his mom, who’s traveled down this road with him for 7 years, I am so proud of how much he has progressed and how hard he tries everyday to do all the things that come naturally to 7 years olds, but have to be taught to him.

Patience, patience and more patience

Today was a day of never-ending tantrums and frustration for Andrew. One of the many “minor” set offs included Anthony (younger brother) ripping the spoiler off this Indy car. No where to be found.  Andrew listened to music to calm down & later made this paper spoiler. Although he cried & screamed, he managed to resolve it independently. One of our day to day goals is to learn how to regulate the overwhelming emotions that’s 50x worse for asd kids. We’re slowly getting there. ‪#‎autismisexhausting‬ ‪#‎needtobestrong ‬‪#‎patiencepatience‬&morepatienceindy