Being in your early 40s isn’t so bad

I’ll tell you why it isn’t as horrible as I thought.  I mean YeS there are the noticeable grays on the crown of my head, the black circles, the stubborn fat that just won’t vanish and my vision is slowly going.  However, for me being in this new milestone has taught me many confident boosting lessons.  

Kinda sucks it took me this long but only now have I realized how NOT to be so self conscious. My actions and decisions should not be based on how others think I should be living my life.  It just occurred to me that all my life I’ve always looked at strangers or my friends or family for their looks of approval.  Depending on how their faces look I change my actions to appease people.  I’ve even written a poem about being a mood ring during my college years.  It’s really sad but at least I’ve learned to be myself and do what I want because damn it I’m a good decent person.  I don’t need to see who’s frowning at me for my actions.  I just simply give 0 f@&$s now and I continue to act the way I want without knowing how others view me.  I’m working hard to be more assertive and vocal and stick to my guns in heated discussions.   

I’ve also learned to own it.  I admit my weaknesses and have realized when I do then people can’t use those things against me.  The biggest revelation I’ve opened up about is my lifelong anxiety disorder.  Talking openly about my anxiety and how it affects my actions and fear has made others in my life more understanding.  Honestly it’s refreshing how my friends can’t put me down or argue with me when they know it’s anxiety related.   

Most important I’ve learned to find laughter each and everyday.