My Sweet Heart

I love him more than words can ever describe. His smile and thick black hair frame his soft skin and single sweet dimple.  His angelic smiley eyes.  His thick soft lips.  His nose identical to mine.  “I’m trying my best,” he says as he plays his clarinet.  “Mommy was I good today?” as he wants to please me. “I love you so much Mommy. Hug and a kiss.”  His words to me every night before bed.  The happiness and gratitude that spills from big heart when he’s thankful for something he’s been asking for.  All 9 years old of him.  My tall muscle toned model of a boy.  He eats all day plays all day.  He laughs and scripts.  “Anthony, let’s play with the cats.”  Little boys at the park chase and follow him.  My adventurous no fear son who yearns for speed as he takes in the wind as he whooshes past everyone on his bike.  As he jumps with all his energy balled up and released into the water.  “Look how far I swim Mommy!”  “One more minute.  After this race!”  My xbox and you tube obsessed kiddo.  My love for this kiddo is never ending, just like his passion for his nascar and Kyle Busch.  I’m beyond lucky to be his mom.  He’s my sweetheart.  He stole my heart the minute he was born.

My Safe Haven

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This park is three homes down from our place.  It’s Fall, the air is cool but the sun is shining, the trees are colorful, the neighborhood is peaceful.  My safe haven which I never take for granted.

Autism Parenting. This Struggle is Real.

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Dear Anyone who’s not an autism parent but trying to understand autism parents,

You know those moments in life when you’re hurt that a mean kid was not so nice to your child?  Or how horribly difficult the “terrible twos” were?  How much you struggled to keep your shit together as you tried to control your possessed kid in public.  How cruel people in public can be for giving you the bad parent/bad child glare?  What about having to de-code wth your life insurance or retirement plans mean?  Or worse, a store, party venue, restaurant or insurance company denying coverage, denying return of a bad item, dismissing bad customer service.  Having to escalate it to management?  Remember that bad year when your child that horrible terrible no good, very bad teacher?!  Phew thank goodness that was just one school year.  How sad you were when your youngest was delayed compared to all their friends when it came to sports?  But now ecstatic you were when he finally got that ribbon from swimming to the next level, even though it took him longer than every other 5 year old?

Autism families go through similar pains everyday, every hour, every week throughout their lives.  Not occasionally but everyday.  The struggle is so very real.  It’s exhausting, depressing, disappointing.

 

I’m not being sarcastic nor belittling the issues, hardships, obstacles we all face as parents and human beings.  Special needs kids or not.  I’m simply trying to help non autism parents understand the intensity of the other side.

(Pic above I took the other day when we finally got some rain and thunder in Northern California.  I love the rain, the comfort it brings, the beauty, the calmness the sound of rain drops.  The road ahead is a long, dark, bright with many bumps and detours for many autism families.)